Oh...the Sights My Eyes Have Seen....

19 years in the nations oldest store...not JUST the oldest but located in Hollywood CA. Oh the sites I have seen...oh the stories I have to tell. Heart of Hollywood. 7 days a week at one point...no less than 5 at other times. Some of the best times, some of the most trying times but I enjoyed owning Panpipes Magickal Marketplace. Let me tell you one...gather round and listen close....this story takes place in the summer at Panpipes in Hollywood, CA. It was a Saturday afternoon, how do i know this? Because my interns were in. I will use nicknames... lex Luther and beeker had opened the Shoppe that day. They were my Saturday interns. I had run errands before coming in so it was around 1 pm. I walk in and saw a customer leaning over the tarot case by the formulary. I did not take great notice. I saw Lex's face as I smiled at her. Her eyeswere went big and she smirked. Looked straight at the girl at the counter. I winked and she gave the..."nooooo....take a better look" look. I took a better look at the girl. Dark curly hair. 70's headband. 70's tank top. Short shorts. Long socks. Sneakers. Exactly what you think when you think roller girl circa 1970. I have a "am I missing something?"expression. Lex tilts head and wide eyed looks at me again. I look closer again....oh lord... Between the legs the girl's penis has fallen out of the shorts. I about died trying to hold a straight face. She continues to bend over the counter and the penis swings to and fro. I walk fully into the store. Come around the counter to save my interns. I ask "how may I help you?". She replies "I lost my demon." Holding it together I say/ask "good?!?" She looks me in the face. Her eyebrows are done by a marker, sharpie I presume, and way up on her forehead so she looks startled. She stands up. Tucks her junk and continues while I die of hysterics inside "I just got out of jail and when I was there, I got scared and prayed to Jesus. My demon left." I said/asked "sorry?!?!" She gets annoyed and turns with hands on hips, eyebrows in full sharpie startled mode and screams at me "I miss my Fucking demon. I miss the smell of my burning flesh." I apologized and asked how could help. She replied "you would not know. The demon is Gaelic." Now, I am not only an alchemist and Occultist, I am a well studied demonologist...so interest peaked as I know not of trueto Gaelic demons who smell lightning flesh...I invite her to try me. She look at me and says "you would not know. It speaks Gaelic and I know Gaelic" So did one of my great grandmothers...I do not...but I would recognize...so I say "do you now?" She says "yes. I will prove it." She walks over to my cat and says (now roll your T's here to fully understand) " Kittttttty Catttttt" She looks at me and says "that is Gaelic for kitty cat" I stand there nodding trying to hold myself together...my interns have both dived into my office to control their laughter. I apologize for doubting her, tell her I cannot help as I am just not that knowledgeable and wish her luck with the biodegradable will soon smell her flesh burning again. Proud to have stumped me, she left.